Thank you for your support, ha ha

So someone at my last job told me that she "had my back" and would try to get my job back etc. That seemed to be tougher than she expected and since then she's distanced herself as much as possible ie. cut off contact because that is what most people do when someone leave under uncomfortable circumstances. I still cannot get over the fact that neither my nurse manager, Nancy Gondek or anyone on my unit would stick up for me. One CNA had similar issues with the same spouse of a patient. So it wasn't just me. Nancy did not say ONE positive thing about me. And I did quite well. I get along with most patients. The majority. I hear things that nurses gripe about regarding particular patients. It's surprising actually.

So here's the email exchange between me and my "supporter" at NEW ENGLAND REHAB
I should be completing another clinical there this fall and wouldn't want someone's pettiness or jealousy to ruin it for me.

Amy Steele to cdemarche
show details Jul 16


Cameron,

thank you for being so supportive.It means a lot to me. Often I leave an organization and feel like a leper.

Amy

Cameron DeMarche
to: Amy Steele

date: Thu, Jul 17, 2008 at 1:06 AM

Amy,

Thank you for sending me your writings. You are very, very good. Even though the subject matter was distressing, the story was quite interesting. You really should look into continuing with this same theme in nursing; "How nurses can be so Caring, Giving, Compassionate, and Loving towards their patients" and basically "Eat their own younger species and never stand side by side each other to support each other!"The major nursing magazines such as American Journal of Nursing (AJN), RN Magazine, would love to see an article such as this. You are a very talented writer! You are special because you are unique, therefore you standout. People should take notice and learn! We will talk soon.

Cameron

So sounds nice, sweet etc. Seems I've made a friend. And I even thought a possible mentor!! How wrong could I be?

Amy Steele to cdemarche
show details Jul 20 (12 days ago) Reply


from: Amy Steele
to:cdemarche

date: Sun, Jul 20, 2008 at 9:10 PM


I think my piece is good and should get published somewhere. I don't think it's that sad. it's reality.

I mailed notes to both the CEO and Nancy regarding the doctor being in the room when I supposedly "threw" the walker. I know they won't consider bringing me back in even though there's not much time left for the summer. I prob. won't find a job. I really messed up.

My concern is that I am going to be screwed over by people when I come there for clinical. If ONE nurse says something to my clinical instructor I'm out. seriously. I had a friend get kicked out of the program d/t performance at clinical though not bec. of complaints from staff . we generally don't have a ton of interaction but have some. enough

Cameron DeMarche to me
show details Jul 22 (11 days ago) Reply


Good to hear from you, you sound better! The little time left in the summer you should take to relax, do what you enjoy, write, and maybe work on listening and digesting more before you verbally react. The fine art of teaching and learning is to know when and how to speak and when to just listen even if your almost biting through your tongue! It is a growth period that can happen at any age, usually in your 40's when you realize that the reactive anger and outbursts take too much energy out of you and physically and mentally hurt you. (I am speaking from personal experience) It is better to direct your energies into listening, remaining calm, learning and using your intelligence to speak and challenge and grow! Be Calm, Relax, Write, Keep in touch
Cameron

WOW. IF I WERE INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, I DO NOT THINK I'D BE IN NURSING SCHOOL RIGHT NOW. INSTEAD I'D BE IN THE COOL A/C OF MY MARLBOROUGH STREET CONDO/ BACK BAY WORKING ON MY WRITING, DOING SOME VOLUNTEER WORK AND TRAVELING. PLEASE. HOW CONDESCENDING CAN ONE PERSON BE?

Being accused of doing something I DID NOT DO

I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE THAT BOTH THE CEO AND THE NURSE MANAGER AND HR PEOPLE AND EVERYONE AT NEW ENGLAND REHAB BELIEVES I WOULD HAVE THE AUDACITY TO THROW A WALKER IN FRONT OF A PATIENT. OR AT ALL.

IT PISSES ME OFF.

IT DEPRESSES ME.

I'M SO SAD.

IT'S DISTURBING.

UPSETTING.

UNBELIEVABLE.

Another job lost: New England Rehabilitation in Woburn

I think I got fired.

Nancy "talked" to me yesterday and had three patient "complaints": two were nurses--first the other night a nurse floating to that floor Jane helped me boost a patient, pointed to the TEDs that were on and said, "You have to take those off." I said, "Yes, I know, I'm not done yet." But then added, "I'm not stupid." She yelled at me to not toalk to her lie that in front of patients yada yada. I went to talk to Krista, the nurse manager and she said "We all have to respect each other." Of course I have to respect other people and it's not the other way around. She never mentioned that the nurse could have also handled this more "respectfully." Bullshit.

second, I floated to 2South (ironically where I had done my clinical rotation in the spring) and as soon as I got there this nurse Haley who was a b-- said: "This is how we do it here, we have a VS book AND we put it on the wall" No hello or introductions etal. She told Nancy some guy said, "Where'd you find her?" Okay, why do these people feel the need to tattle immediately.

Sunday, a patient asked to go back to bed and I looked at the board as I was TRAINED to do. I don't want someone falling on me. I'm not familar with this guy. He said he needed the walker and the wife yelled that he couldn't walk or stand without it. I said I needed to get help or get the nurse. I actually cannot recall all the words. As I walked out the door, she said, "She crazy, isn't she?" to her husband. So I walked back in and said, "Crazy?" and then went on to explain that I am only doing my job. I thought I handled it well. I was professional but of course Krista took the patient's side. I'm sick thinking about this.

I spoke with Cameron for about an hour as I ran into her as I left.

And when anyone equates CNA work to RN work that's insane. You can be a good nurse and enjoy the job and not have liked the literal shitty work of a CNA.

But in general I'm mad I didn't just stay quiet and not talk to anyone. It's better that way. This is what all the young, naive, un-jaded girls do.

No one knows all the good moments I've had over these past few weeks because they only see the bad in me.

During a crying spell/breakdown the other night where I cried: "I can't sleep. It's 3a.m., I'm exhausted and I can't get to sleep," Brian put his hand on my boob. Just rested it there. No tweaking or pinching the nipple.

Me: "I don't think that's going to help me."

Brian: "It'll help me."

Inn at Robbins Brook-Acton/ wimp of a director

So I interviewed for a position I never even wanted at Inn at Robbins Brook, an assisted living facility, back in February. I never heard back from the woman. She took a copy of my driver's and CNA licenses.

I'm thinking of writing a piece about this whole ignoring the candidate thing. Remember getting rejection letters?


On Fri, Jul 11, 2008 at 8:51 AM, Sheila Sussman wrote:

Dear Amy Steele,

Thank you for taking the time to fill out an application and talk to me about a CNA position .
There are so many people that apply for nurses aide jobs. I respond to those candidates who follow-up with a phone call inquiry or an e-mail showing interest in the position. Generally, candidates that really want to work here, call me in a week to see if I have made a decision. You applied in February and you never showed any enthusiasm for the position.

Good luck in the future.

Sincerely,

Sheila Sussman RN
Resident Care Director
The Inn at Robbins BrookMy reply:

[And I know I'm a bitch already.]

Well, to be honest, I wasn't interested within minutes of speaking with you.
As soon as I started to tell you about my previous CNA and Medical Assistant experience (which you had asked me to do), you instantly cut me off saying, "We don't do that here." And I'd say, "Well I understand that but this is what I did at X place." You just weren't interested in hearing about what I had done and could contribute in any manner and it was rude, inappropriate and amateurish.

I'm honestly way too educated for that type of position anyway. Just wanted to get a response because I'm a writer and working on a piece.

Amy Steele, M.S., C.M.A

Issues: Transfers, strained backs, hiding CNAs

Boy I am so unhappy. I cried at work a bit and then cried all the way home. I don't know if I can handle this work at NE Rehab. I know I don't have that much time left to go. But to be this unhappy is not good. What is wrong with me?

Things seemed to be going okay tonight. Then I had two people that were nearly impossible to transfer to the bathroom. OT/PT had not evaluated yet and these people had been there for several days. This is not fair to us and not fair to the patients. I don't want someone falling and do not want to strain/hurt my back.

Some annoying OT guy was with one of my patients and he left a urine hat with TP in it on the floor of the bathroom. Gross. I wouldn't go to PT and leave crap behind. Also, I asked him why it was labeled on the board to use a gait belt but then there weren't any around. What an asshole he was.

This other CNA is never "available" to help me. He has excuse after excuse. Or he meanders over. He talks on his cell phone at the back end of the hallway too. So loud tonight that a patient complained about it because she could not sleep. Despicable. Save the phone conversations until later.

I told the Unit Nurse about the transfers and the OT "incident" and she brushed it off. I said (of course), "sorry I even said anything." She replied: "Excuse me?" I said that she had basically just dismissed what I had said. Then she said, "I can't do anything about it now at 11." I said that she could make a note of it or a note to them. So frustrating.

For years I've obviously been dealing with this too, as I am a CNA, I am uneducated and stupid. Now here my "title" is Student Nurse Technician, so people know I'm in nursing school which makes it a bit better but I'm still treated like CRAP.

Choice quotes

I hate you when you’re unemployed.

- Brian Schofer