Tuesday, September 9, 2008

First Week Down and Still Nervous

It's second semester and second week of nursing school for me and I feel like crying, getting into bed and not getting up again. I'm frustrated and doubting myself and my decision to do this program. Of course I will finish it and I do find it interesting at times, but must parts of it be so annoying. And must some of the faculty be so daft and threatening?

Yesterday in lab, we went over injection sites and it should be review even though since I graduated from the Medical Assistant program (at the same school), I have done very few injection (none actually) but it all comes back to me with some practice (or will). I made a comment how it was awkward. She had me mapping the spot with my dominant hand. I had learned to map it with my non-dominant hand and then clean it with my dominant hand and inject. Not mark it and keep switching hands like switching forks back and forth. I guess I'm European that way. I said I had learned it a different way and she said dismissively, "Everyone teaches it a different way, just do it this way, blah blah." But what annoyed me is that these nurses have such disdain for my experience and my DEGREE from the SAME school in Medical Assistant and I'm now a Certified Medical Assistant (I worked hard in that program too) only a year and a half ago. I call BS on the whole thing and it got me so upset that I felt my old anger boil up again and nearly exploded, told her she was an idiot and walked out. It's all under the same health studies umbrella at the same school. I'd think they'd be happy that I kept going to pursue nursing. They are getting my money instead of another school.

I'm so tired. I don't want to read tonight. So I'm not going to and last night I went for a bike ride and cried for over an hour thinking about how this was not going to improve my life because whether or not I became a nurse, Brian was going to be out of my life in the near future and it upsets me to think about that. It hurts. I feel I'm good enough and smart enough, pretty and cultured and we have fun, as often as we fight, we have fun.

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