Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Clinical #1 Evaluation

"Amy came to this rotation with some knowledge on basic nursing skills [yes, several years as Certified Nursing Assistant and an associates in Medical Assisting. and I get the impression that nursing schools look down on both positions, especially Medical Assisting, and actually believe that ALL CNAs and ALL M.A.s have bad habits or improper training: me] which helped her understand the rationale for the assessment skills that she needed to perform. She is punctual in reporting to clinical as well as in submitting written assignments. She is an active participant in group conferences. One issue that Amy might want to address or be aware of, is that she occasionally expresses her opinions in an argumentative manner. She has good ideas but her tone of voice and body language discourage discussion and/or interaction. [How was I an active participant in group conferences then?: me]. These would not be good attributes for teamwork and leadership. Good luck in your nursing career Amy."

Poker Face

I need to work on a poker face. This is how I envision it: a somewhat blank, yet pleasant expression at all times. As difficult as it will be, if I must speak out in a group setting, I will soften my tone or speak in a lilting manner so that I will not be misunderstood or people will not feel I am either "argumentative" or "confrontational" [as feedback suggests]

Count to ten before speaking.
Detach myself from situations that will escalate my personal feelings.
Stay neutral.
Remain business-like.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Minor Meltdown with Math

Brian thinks I'm now going to be known as "the girl who flips out." I got an 85 on my math exam. I expected a 90+. I have been taking math courses and doing problem after problem for over a year. I just finished the Math for Nurses class here at MCC last semester and had taken one last summer at BHCC, which I loved and where I learned the fabulous dimensional analysis method. In Medical Assisting we did some math and I had very few problems. I like to do it. I have a plethora of workbooks I practice on. I think I should go to the math tutor once a week or every other week from now on just to keep it going.

So they handed me my test and I sat down to look at it and the tears started streaming down my face. I was so upset. I could see I made errors with decimals. And one really sloppy one. I did have two hours of sleep and realize that is just not a good idea before and exam. So I booked it out and started crying as soon as I hit the bathroom. Prof. Burke came in after me. This is the second or third time she's done damage control with me but I think she's sweet and find her very reasonable and calming. I just said that I was so disappointed in myself and that I worked on this so much. We went back into the lab to see what I did and I could see the mistakes. I said I needed to use more paper so that I could just make it cleaner and of course was told, "use as much as you need." I have to just calm down, slow down. I can do this math. I can do gtts for IV calculations!! Another prof started to point something out and she didn't seem to see the dimensional analysis. Fine. Everyone uses another method and they use the ration method but I can't hear it. I get too confused and she mentioned that I didn't convert and I said, the conversion are right here. I set everything up correctly but messed up on the math. She threw the paper down on the desk and walked away which is something I would do. When I left I said both thank you and sorry. Brian thinks I need to do damage control but my therapist said to let it ride. I don't know what to do because I do not want a repeat of other similar situations where I just let everything get all bottled up inside and then explode.

Monday, March 10, 2008


That was cool how you said what you said to the Prof!

I'm so glad you said something.

These are things my classmates said after I asked if we could "push this to later" regarding the discussion on the next clinical. Ugh. Lots are thinking it but I have to be the one who said it.

I'm not going to speak anymore and I'm an island. Done trying to study with people etc. I specifically asked Colleen last week if shw was going to practice transfers and she said, "I don't think I need to" and then she went and practiced the next day!

this school is suburban-centric. I should have waited to get into BHCC.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Last Day of Clinical One

Can't figure it out. Just got back from clinical with an eval that was not perfect. I was told again (second instructor) that I was agressive or "confrontational" at times. "nursing is a people-person career" yada yada.

she asked if i had any friends!! just to make me feel worse. I mentioned two guys close to my age who I was friends with, Robert, who you know and this guy Perry. She misunderstood me and said "just bec. they are close in age doesn't mean you'll get along" and I said, "no they are friends and we have studied together." I actually think Robert and I would be able to be social outside of class too. Perry is married and from the South and a bit weird about "hanging out."

I asked for a copy of the eval and I'm going to email her to remind her I want a copy so I can show it to my therapist on Monday. I'm really tired of this and this going around and around when I start off pretty well as far as I know. I will put more details down.

I don't know everything but there is an air I give off with my "book smarts" that some people really dig and some are turned off by and then with my urban sensibilities and dislike for surburbia, I feel that makes it quite tough to find commonalities with people.

The hospital I work at will be in Cambridge or Boston, NOT Lowell.

I said I can change my tone and she told me not to be "fake." So what am I going to do?

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Ridiculous Required Classes

Why do I have to take Cultural Anthropology for a nursing program? Why not, say, Human Growth and Development as I took in applying to the BHCC program. I took Social Anthropology during college. Why does the school I am attending require this? Oh, because they have to bend over backwards not to offend anyone and be SO PC? I am offended. The entire class is focused on the instructor's research locale of Micronesia. I'm tired of reading about it and it has nothing to do with nursing. I am open-minded and I am very cognizant of other cultures but do not need to be force fed this plus the ideas of economics and trade and globalization and political structures are things I have learned in the past. I find the class to be busy work and frustrating.