Friday starts with a headache

Brian woke me up this morning at 7 a.m. to see if I wanted to bike with him (he bikes to work). I said I was going to sleep in. My mom called me early the day before and woke me up. I'm also sans meds for my depression which, combined with no set schedule (work has yet to start), is not good for Amy's psyche. So I'm watching The Wire and for breakfast I had oatmeal with a half a banana in it and four Boca links. I think today I'm going to bake because I have Brian's kitchen. That is after I get back from a nice bike ride. Last night's ride wasn't very good. It was 6pm when I started and it was buggy and I cannot breathe out of my nose for very long for some reason so I catch lots of flies. And I'm a vegetarian (pretty much/almost)!!

I'll bike at around 1pm. I want to avoid the kiddies out there. I'm going to drive my bike to the Pepperell lot and try to bike all the way to Ayer and back. That's the big goal. It's all flat and it's nice because it's through the woods and past the Merrimack River.

I just took two ibuprofen for my headache.

Still need to buy my nutrition book so that I can get involved in this class. I think it's actually good to take for a number of reasons. The most important is that most BSN programs require a nutrition class!

Am I over-reacting?

I'll have to ask my therapist. I mentioned that I had not even been considered for a per-diem PCA position at Mount Auburn Hospital where I've been working since November. Not only that but my nurse manager is also interim nurse manager of the ED! She knew I was looking at jobs for other departments.

Here's the latest email exchange:

dbreton@mah.harvard.edu to me
show details 1:53 PM (1 hour ago) Reply


Amy,
I'm reforwarding you my reply. These positions are in high demand and I interviewed and filled them quickly.
Denise
______________________________

Amy Steele to dbreton
show details 2:08 PM (1 hour ago)
Denise,

I received that reply when you sent it. I just find it interesting as I had been applying to part-time and per-diem positions on other units since February in anticipation of the WIC not needing me any longer.

I'm insulted and disappointed that I was never considered for the positions. I had enjoyed the MAH atmosphere but I guess I'll make do elsewhere and leave the state once I get my RN.

Why is getting a Nursing Assistant job so complex?

Mount Auburn rehash:

1. I worked in the Walk-In Center and Denise Breton is nurse manager there as well as for the Emergency Department. There were several positions open in the ED and she never considered me. She seemed to like me but obviously would not hire me again.

2. I made it clear to Gayla Jackson at Mount Auburn Hospital, Needham 7 and she still couldn't work with my schedule and wasted my time to come in and interview for a position she never would have offered or considered.

original email from me:
Hi Gayla,

I work per diem in another department at MAH and am looking for more shifts and saw Needham 7 needs CNAs. I currently work in the Walk in Center but Denise does not anticipate needing me for a while. I saw that you were looking for CNAs on Needham 7

I am in my first semester of nursing school and am interested in 2nd shift. I'm available any weekend shift and several times during the week. I have class in the morning. Clinical on Thursdays at NE Rehab. I've attached my resume for your consideration.

--
thank you,

Amy Steele
617.571.9085

gjackson@mah.harvard.edu to me
show details Apr 2 Reply


Hi Amy,

I think we can work something out - why don't you come up and we can meet and discuss hours up here. Are you around Friday morning? If not we can certainly make plans for sometime next week. Let me know your availability.

Gayla

dbreton@mah.harvard.edu to me
show details May 17 (11 days ago) Reply

And the most bogus and suspect email from my former manager:

Hi Amy,
Sorry it's taken me so long to answer you. Unfortunately, those positions in the E.D. have been filled.
Hope your school year is winding down (if not already over). Good luck with the job search!
Denise

End of weekend

I biked again today. So that's five days in a row at 600 calories. I feel pretty good with all that biking. It's supposed to rain tomorrow and as school has ended and I don't have a steady job yet (plus it's summer generally) I do not belong to a gym so am relying on outdoor work-outs.

Tomorrow I start my orientation at New England Rehab in Woburn-- so I have to get up kind of early to get there for 8 a.m. It's about a 40 minute drive for me.

Nutrition class--on-line--begins this week. Should be educational. Cannot know too much about nutrition.

Get Moving

thanks to jenna at eat, live, run: I bought some almond butter and chose the Hemp waffles because they are high in Omega 3s and FIBER of course. I bought some almond butter and 365 waffles for my mom so she could give it a go. She doesn't really eat breakfast.

So I just got back from a walk for about 45 minutes. My heart monitor is not working very well. I burned about 300 calories. Which isn't much but is better than nothing. It started to drizzle on the onset but then got sunny and warm, so I thought I'd bike later and now it's looking a bit cloudy again.

I've always exercised. It's true. Despite gaining weight, I've always exercised at a gym or by walking etc. at least three times/week (which is not enough to lose weight of course). People look at fat me now and probably think that I am lazy and never work out and it's not true.

One thing I need to do in the fall: yoga. I used to take a yoga class at least once a week and felt good about all the stretching involved. This is a must. I have some DVDs that are pretty good but I just haven't been very good about doing them. Excuses that the set up in my living room here isn't right.

I should be starting my CNA training next week, so I want to read. I feel like the summer is nearly over when it hasn't started yet. I took about ten plus books out of the library plus have a stack of bought books to read!!

Summer Jobs

I have to train for about four weeks--DAYS-- for a per diem position. The ironic aspect here is that I am not guaranteed a set number of hours each week. I really don't want to work as a nursing assistant. I guess that's the bottom line. It's such crappy work.

does that make ANY sense? I also want to work evenings and I have to train during the day. I never understood that except that I guess there's more going on and they have more coverage.

Oh and get this! I've worked per-diem in the Walk-In Center (full time until school started and then weekends) at Mount Auburn Hospital. Two full-time employees were hired and I was no longer needed. So I've been applying at other departments within MAH. One woman figured the timing would not fit with school and her needs via the phone. Another actually brought me in for an interview. Seemed all nice etal and then had HR call me to tell me that she (the nurse manager) would need me to keep on the hours once school began again in the fall. Was she kidding? I told her before I even interviewed my summer and my fall/school time availability. Why are people so dense? Why need she waste my time?

But here's the real kicker: Denise Breton is the interim nurse manager for the Emergency Department at MAH as well as my manager in the Walk-In Center. She has never had anything but kind words for my work and my peformance. She even told me how much a doctor, with a reputation for being "difficult," sang my praises (it's easy if you stay a step ahead and do not get rattled). So there are two per-diem positions listed in the job postings I grabbed last week from Human Resources. Denise informs me that the positions are FILLED! Oh really? Two weeks after their April 28 post date. It took the hospital two months to hire me after my initial interview/application! I just dont buy it and would appreciate some honesty.

People claim they are supportive of your goals to become a nurse. "So wonderful." But in reality they are rarely supportive. They just want all the shit work done. It's about what you can do for them. They are not interested in mentoring someone to grow into their field and add fresh nurses to the work force. Why would they? You are competition. Other nursing assistants are jealous because they think you think you are superior to them or you have an upper hand because you are in nursing school (which can be true) and the nurses treat you like crap because they want you to remain at the bottom of the rung. They could care less if you learn anything along the way. They don't care if you are going to be a nurse because then that puts you on a level playing field with them.

We can allow ourselves to keep changing and growing and evolving. Actually, we're supposed to.
Maria Shriver, Just Who Will You Be?

A Good Breakfast and a long bike ride

Ate a good breakfast.

First I bought some organic instant oatmeal at Whole Foods. I bought the assorted but I really like raisins and spice best and will get just that next time.


I biked for an hour and 20 minutes: burned 800 calories. I took the Trail Rail path from Groton to Ayer. Good ride. Lovely day.

Brian and I had lunch at Panera. I had the 1/2 Fandango salad (my favorite) and 1/2 soup (tomato).

First Semester Over

It's done.

I got a 91, so I stayed consistent. Should've been review for me anyway. I expect next year to be much tougher. I will have to spend more time studying.

It's hard to make friends in nursing school. Nicole and Robert are definitely my friends. I will miss Perry. He was a friend too.

Not having a study group is frustrating. I find it a very important aspect to succeeding in nursing school but no one wants to be in one with me. Why not?

Not everyone has made it this semester

I'm not surprised that Perry got booted due to clinical.

Email exchange:

Amy to Perry Tue, May 6, 2008 at 12:19 PM
May 6 (2 days ago)

sorry to hear you're out of the program, but can't say I'm surprised. Are you?

Perry Wed, May 7, 2008 at 8:58 AM
To: Amy
I am surprised a little. I didn't think things would really unfold this way. But good things will happen to me and that is one thing I am sure of. I'm still going to be there for the project and the final exam.
Does the project start at 8 am in the classroom?
--------------------------------------
Amy <> Wed, May 7, 2008 at 9:43 AM
To: Perry <>
Unfold this way? You did it to yourself.
How can you be surprised when you barely ever prepared for anything ie. not even knowing the 5 Rights! Didn't come to class
you told me that you thought you could become a nurse w/o clinical!
unrealistic.

Apathy.
----------------------------------------
Perry <> Wed, May 7, 2008 at 9:53 AM
To: Amy
I never said I could become a nurse w/o clinical. Why do you act this way?

Amy <@gmail.com> Wed, May 7, 2008 at 4:08 PM
To: Perry
you did say that. but if you don't remember I'm not going to argue. I questioned it at the time (this was around the time of po meds).
I'm not acting a certain "way." I don't know what you are talking about.

Good luck with everything. I don't see why you're taking the final. don't they make people repeat everything not just the clinical aspect.

--------------------------------------------------------
Perry Wed, May 7, 2008 at 4:17 PM
To: Amy
In the first few weeks of the semester, you used to express to me a certain grievance that I understood. That, I thought, was a cornerstone of the basis of our friendship. That is, we both seemed to be against a certain appearance of bias. Somewhere along the way, you seemed to get really angry towards me though. I remember once walking out of class and you were talking rather loudly at me and crying. And this went on for a while, till we were on the top of the parking garage. Do you remember that day? From that point on, I felt like you were a different person. I would say something in class and you would mutter, that is so stupid.
And to make matters worse, it felt like the more I tried to figure out what was bothering you, the more upset you got.

As far, as the dynamics of the nursing prog, I had a B average in there.
So whatever can be said of my apathy and what not, I was doing what worked. There were several that didn't miss a day and had failed all three of the first 3 exams.

----------------------------------------------
Amy Wed, May 7, 2008 at 4:41 PM
To: Perry
Of course I remember crying bec. I realized at that point that you were using me and not really the friend I thought you were. It did seem we we somewhat simpatico at the beg of the semester. things changed over spring break when I drove you, bought you drinks and went out of my way to do you a huge favor which you didn't seem to appreciate.

everything was very one-sided and revolved around you. Very Perry-centric. I felt like you were parasitic and just used me for whatever you needed at that moment. Other people even noticed it too and commented to me about it. I have enough challenges to have to deal with that type of energy.


First semester should be review material for anyone who has been a CNA, they don't delve into anything particularly substantial until next semester and later. I'm not saying it's all a breeze of course either.

I never said you were totally stupid. apathy is something different.

If I muttered "that is so stupid" directly to you: that's pretty unlike me to say. I would think it would be directed at something in general.