Why don't people answer call lights?

Apathy, laziness, lack of teamwork=my new job
Oh I cannot stand it. Just like at the nursing home there are several people from Haiti working at the Rehab place. I don't know why they all become CNAs. They stick to themselves, speak in Creole all the time and talk on the phone to their families. The worst of it is that they only answer call lights if it is for one of their assigned patients. I have never understood this and it irked me to no end at the nursing home I worked at a few years ago.

I answered tons of "other people's patient's" call lights tonight and I don't have a problem with it. If I cannot help the person, I go and get someone to help me. This is a team situation.

When the change of shift occurred, Gail and I were sitting in the back room, having just finished doing our patients and paperwork. We had been getting call lights. A nurse that just came in said, "Are those girls back there answering call lights at all?" I was livid. I said, "I've been answering tons of call lights since I got here." I got up and walked around the hall several times. Then I went back to tell Gail how annoyed I was and that I hated this and it's unprofessional (and I was accused of being unprofessional by the nurse manager? How ironic!!) and a call light went off-- and it beeps a few times so I jumped up and said I'd get it. Well, as I walked into the room, I walked right by the male CNA. He was standing right across from the room where the patient was! How absurb and abolutely lazy and selfish and inappropriate is that? I don't want to screw over the patients but I don't want to help this guy anymore. What an a-hole.

It reminds me of the nursing home. I was the only non-Haitian working. At night they'd sit in their chairs and a call light would go off and they'd look down the hall and say, "it's yours." What the fuck! It's MINE. It's part of my assignment but as far as I'm concerned every CNA is responsible for answering call lights.

Between the disrepect of the nurse and the other CNAs. Oh, and the nurse I was working with didn't even introduce herself to me and barely talked to me, I didn't even want to go back!!!

On top of that my back hurts. It's WAY too much physical labor and I should just put my Medical Assistant degree to use. It might be more interesting.

ooo my aching back

woke up this morning and I could barely move. will join the gym today because it's pouring rain and I can't walk or bike. Plus it's going to get too hot some days to even do those activities unfortunately. It was busy on the floor right up until 10. I didn't sit down until then. It's hard to be on my feet that long. Mainly just making sure people are set. doing vital signs when I first get there and then we get dinner tray out at 5p. A lot of people are fall risks so they need to monitored. A few people need help getting in and out of bed etc.

I iced my back last night. I need a chiropractor it seems.

The tasks

Last week I trained days and felt like I mostly made beds. This week I have done glucose checks, a bladder scan, vital signs and I've been busy. It's a good routine the night shift. Though this is not the unit I am assigned to work on I'm told that I will float as a per-diem.

Two 19-year-old per-diem Student Nurse Techs were flabbergasted when they found out I was in my mid (to late!) 30s. And this was in talking to them at different times. One girl said: "I thought you were 23!" ha ha.

This weekend I have to sort and organize.

I'm sitting here in my sports bra--should I do a speed bike ride at Brian's?-- because I'm not 100% sure that I'm supposed to go in to work today. Just left a message for the nurse manager. I think I'll wait it out a few more minutes, finish the book I'm reading and go take a power walk. I burn 340 calories on this two mile walk if I use weights. It takes about 45 minutes. It's just down to the end of my neighborhood and back up. There are hills which is good. It's a walk that I should be doing every morning in addition to a regular workout. I know I should or the weight isn't going to come off. I guess I should just show up as I need the money and all.

Clincial Aspect of Orientation

I woke up at 4:45 this morning to make it to Woburn by 7 a.m. I stayed at B's because it was opressively hot and he has air conditioning. I managed to get up and out on time and even make breakfast and iced coffee to bring along for the ride! Yeah, me. Saving money.

1. Though I'd much rather be in med/surg, until I can land a job, rehab should be an excellent experience for the resume and towards my nursing degree--ie. I need an overview of many different areas of nursing.

2. By 8:30 a.m. my back was hurting me.

3. By 2:00 my feet were bothering me.

4. I don't take vital signs or do that much (so far). Making beds. Helping people with ADLs and getting dressed. I&O. It's much slower paced than I expected but it could change. The census is low. Lots of empty beds; which makes it curious that they hired so many nursing assistants.

Too Hot for almost anything

Today, I need to take my nutrition exam by 8p, I'll re-read the two chapters and take the 45 minute test. Very strict on time. We get points taken off for going over so I will have to keep a close eye on the clock. The group project to analyze The Native American Food pyramid and compare it to the US Food pyramid did not go very well. My group member emailed me after midnight (it was due at 8a on Saturday). I work 3-11 in general so this isn't the best for me. Plus the two groups were so similar I had no idea what to say when she wanted 2-5 pages. The other person took all the credit for everything so I probably didn't score very well.

Our next assignment is to re-design the food pyramid. I'll put lots of veggies on the bottom and no meat sources.

My exchange with my teacher via email:

Me: I found this project confusing. There's little difference between the Native American and US Food Pyramids.

Instructor: I don't' understand why similar food pyramids would be confusing. There would be a lot of similarities, and only a few differences in your write up.

Me: Erin and I emailed a bit but never really connected. She suggested that I do the pros and cons and she'd do the similarities and differences and we'd decide which made more sense. As this is due in the morning I decided to just submit what I had done instead of having nothing go in.

Me: why are projects due at 8am on a Saturday?

Instructor: The academic schedule usually ends with Friday classes, so instead of making due dates Friday at 5 pm, I extend the deadline to Saturday morning to give students the opportunity to work on a project Friday night, when most people are home and not at work.

Me: I work 3-11 3-4 shifts a week and every other weekend. I cannot cater to everyone's work schedules- there are 25 students in this class and everyone has a different work schedule. Traditionally on-line students have very unique work schedules - that is why on-line works best for them. Also what if someone works M-F and needs all day Saturday to get the work done.

Instructor: Then you should schedule your time differently so that you can finish you assignments before Saturday. Every class I have taken online (5 at MCC) have had even deadlines on a Sunday usually. It is natural to start a new chapter/section of a course at the beginning of the week, so assignments usually are due at the end of the week. You can always hand in things early.

Sore today/lots of fruits

I lifted with B yesterday. He happened to come home during the day. The squats killed me otherwise I'm pretty good and know that I need to do that more often. But I got home and cried and cried and then didn't go to sleep until past 3am and got up at 11. It's 2:30 and I'm supposed to be in Lowell at 4 but I don't think I'm going to make it. I must must join a gym. Very soon. I will see how my orientation a the rehab place goes next week and then decide where to go. I also need to be getting some paychecks. I do want to be at a gym. The weather is going to be hot and sticky starting this weekend. I need to have a gym so I can exercise daily. Today it's raining and my yoga DVDs aren't really appealing to me though I know I should just do them. I cannot make up my mind.

For breakfast I had a smoothie (I'm out of bananas) with almond milk, blueberries and pineapple and also Hemp waffles with almond butter. Probably my favorite breakfast though when school starts I need a good to-go cup for the smoothie. A cup of tea on the side.

Fighting off depression

So blue and my psychiatrist thought that putting me on the meds I put myself on two years ago is the thing to do. Didn't realize I should be in med school instead of nursing school. So I'm kind of annoyed but I see a new PCP in August and I'll swich over to another psychiatrist then. Today I am aching everywhere and I know that if I'm going to lose weight, I have to pump up the work outs and that's hard when my ankles (broke one a year ago) are swollen and my back (DDD and protruding discs) hurt. I really just want to lie in bed and cry which I did tonight for a few hours while cranking Goldfrapp, Snow Patrol and Death Cab for Cutie.

I'm waffling on whether or not to stay in the nutrition class. In general it can be a hassle. Group projects where you don't meet the people in person?

Walking, reading

I'm a bit concerned that the HR rep has not gotten back to me about my new start date for my nursing assistant position. I assume it is next week but it would be professional of her to confirm that date with me so that I can plan on it. It would be strange if I went in for one day of orientation, got all the paperwork done, accepted an offer and then they changed their mind. I'm skeptical about jobs as I've had a run of bad luck in the past few years.

Today I had a smoothie again-- soy milk, banana, one cup blueberries and one cup tropical mix (strawberries, mango and pineapple). It actually made too much and I didn't finish it because I also had a bowl of oatmeal with two tbsp flax seeds.

For lunch, I just had a veggie burger (Amy's California) on toasted Ezekiel bread with soy cheese, lettuce and tomato.

I took a walk before lunch for 40 minutes and then my friend Miriam met me around 5ish and we did the same walk. I need to start doing that walk every day first thing in addition to some other activity because (and my heart monitor isn't working right) it burns between 200 and 300 calories.

I'm hooked on the book by Emily Giffin: Love the One You're With. I will finish it tonight. I'm also watching my TiVoed eps of Mad Men. What a brilliant show. Classy, slick, irreverent, well-written.

Something better, something worse

How pathetic is it that my own mother just blew me off? She got a better offer: her friend was making "Oprah's turkey burgers" (which of course I had to point out were actually Donald Trump's Mara Lago turkey burgers--I saw the show). I was only making vegan meatloaf and mashed sweet potatoes. Plus she really needs her hair colored.

I'm so alone. I'm lonely. The walls are closing in on me. I don't see my life getting any better. Despite all my healthy eating and long bikerides, my weight is stagnant. I need to lose 60 pounds. How did I get this fat? If I just stop eating will that help me at all? I know I can't do that. What if I just get in bed and never get out, will everything just go away? Can I just shut down and shut everything out? Can I just give up and completely isolate myself? I have very few friends. If I didn't have Brian, I'd have no social life. He takes me out to see concerts and to the theater and to museums on a regular basis.

I do not want to turn 39. I'm supposed to be a professional writer. The last time I got paid to write something was 2002. That is so depressingly pathetic. I once thought I had a career, I had a future. Now I just feel I need to make an exit plan. I hate myself. I hate what I've become. I'm dark and irritable and no one particularly likes me even when I try to let people in. I just cannot do it anymore. I know that PMS escalate my dark, hopeless and sad feelings but they are always there and I cannot stand this any longer. I've been unhappy as long as I can remember. I remember crying on Friday and Saturday nights in high school because I didn't have any plans and "everyone else" did. And I was blonde and skinny and smart and athletic! Now I'm just smart and nothing has changed.

Beautiful Sunnday

After a horribly rainy day yesterday, the sun is out and it's just lovely. Good day for a walk. I need to return some books to the Concord library so I am going to walk around down there in Concord center, go to Trader Joe's and come back here to make Mock Meatloaf with the Happy Herbivore's recipe. I bought Quorn ground "meat" to use in it. I also baked sweet potatoes last night which I will mash to go with it and add some greens. My mom is coming over to enjoy.

My goal this week is to start to do some of my yoga DVDs. I don't have that much room over here to do it though so I may have to go to Brian's.

I broke out my blender and made a smoothie:


--1 1/2 c. low fat soy milk
--one banana
--1/4 c. blueberries (estimate)
--handful of frozen mango and pineapple

     
I also had a Hemp waffle/almond butter sandwich and a cup of English Breakfast tea.


I stepped on the scale today and I weigh more intstead of less. I am bloated and have PMS but I've been biking a lot and burning lots of calories. I have to be much more careful when B and I eat out.